Hey New Mama... You're Doing Just Fine.

A survival guide for all the opinions coming your way as you navigate this world for the first time!

I love this pic so much for a few reasons (1) I finally had my baby girl (2) Matching outfits! (3) I was a third-time mom at peace, with no fear of getting it perfect. Even still, I can't help but think back on what it felt like as a first-time mom trying to decipher what was right/wrong and best for my baby. Now that I've gotten over 10 years of motherhood under my belt I know my body and life well enough to know what works for me and my family, and have no problem naming that for anyone who oversteps. However, there are so many new mamas out there struggling under the weight of #momguilt that I decided to write this as a heads up on the many things people will offer you their unsolicited opinion on and some helpful advice on what to do with it!

1. Breastfeeding

They are your boobs, whether you breastfeed or not is your business. There are health benefits to breastfeeding but it is not the end of the world if you can't or don't. There are many healthy well-adjusted children out there thriving that only drank Similac (including me). You have nothing to feel bad about. Take it from me even when you breastfeed, people will still find room for judgment. Whether you do it for a month, a year, or not at all someone did it differently and wants to tell you all about it. Say it with me "MY BOOBS = MY BUSINESS".

2. Your Bed vs. Their Crib

While I'm strongly on team "don't let that baby get used to sleeping in your bed at night", I recognize that for others it works. I don't know how, but again, not my circus not my monkeys - and certainly not anyone else's concern that does not have to get up in the middle of the night to change and feed said baby. I enjoy sleeping better when I know that baby is safely in her own space, but I also know of others that can't sleep soundly if baby is too far away while they are small. Sleep and the most possible (for both of you) is the name of the game here - everything else is up to you. Say it with me "SLEEP IS WHAT MATTERS MOST".

3. Circumcising Your Son

It's your son's penis, whether you have it done or not is your business. Everybody seems to have a random unverified story they've heard about it being disfigured afterward, or a boy growing up being ashamed of it being uncircumcised. Do your own research/planning with your partner to make your decision. Ultimately your son's penis should literally be the last thing on anyone else's mind, and never be afraid to say just that! Say it with me "MY SON, NOT YOURS".

4. Piercing Baby Girl's Ears

They're your baby's ears if you like how they look and want to get it over with while they won't remember it do it, if you'd rather wait until they ask, also your choice! I love the little sparklies in my baby girl's ears and didn't give it a second thought. When I see other baby girls without them, 10 times out of 10 still adorable! Say it with me "MY BABY, MY CHOICE".

5. Working out ASAP vs. Letting The Postpartum Pounds Sit

There's a clear theme building throughout this post, hopefully you've caught it, if not let me say it explicitly: IT'S YOUR BUSINESS!!! No one has to look at your naked body in the mirror but you. If you look at your sagging stomach and stretch marks and feel like a proud warrior in no rush to knock the pounds off, YOU GO GIRL. If you look at your sagging stomach and stretch marks and want to run to the gym the moment you're cleared to do so, YOU GO GIRL. The only wrong choice here is comparison, don't worry about what the next mom is doing. After my first child I can't even remember deciding to workout again, it was likely 3-4 years later when we decided to go for number two. This time around I made the choice to hop right back in ASAP because I'd stayed pretty active throughout, and I wanted my dang body back! Being healthy for your baby is what matters most. Say it with me "MY RACE, MY PACE".

5. Having Another Baby

Oooh, honey, this one makes my blood boil. When you have no children, people ask when you are going to have one. When you have one, people ask when you're going to have a playmate for the first. When you have two boys, people ask when you're going to have a girl. When you have two girls, people ask when you're going to start trying for that boy. When you have four kids, people say you have too many kids! Notice the trend here? You will never satisfy people with your choices, you don't owe anyone anything. Pregnancy is HARD, Mothering is HARD, and no one gets to decide when you have another baby but you and your partner. Say it with me "MY FAMILY, MY BUSINESS".

Alright mama let's check in - feeling empowered?

If you get nothing else from this post I want you to understand that everything is not a committee decision, especially when it comes to a child that you carried/labored/adopted into this world. Do what works for you and give yourself a ton of grace. No one gets it right 100% of the time, every single one of us have experienced the tearful, sleep-deprived breakdown of feeling like we're doing it all wrong. I promise you, you're not and your baby is going to be just fine. In a few short years you'll look back and miss the simple moments of uncertainty about the type of diaper cream you should use, when you're helping your little one navigate good and bad choices, school for the first time, and all the crazy that comes with growing up. For now enjoy the baby snugs, and feel free to leave people's judgment right where you found it. Say it with me "MORE SNUGGIES, LESS JUDGIES" :) .

If this resonated with you be sure to send this along to another new mama who could use a little reassurance.

Until next time,

Tiffany