6 Lessons From My Eat, Pray, Love Season.

The unbecoming journey continues. Learning to be happy in your own company is something a "hot girl summer" just can't give you! Keep reading to learn about what I've been up to lately, let it bless you or someone else you know!

Fresh out of my first relationship post-divorce I knew I needed to take some time to just be with myself. The relationship was full of super high-highs and super frustrating lows, and I knew I needed a moment to steady myself to get grounded again. I found myself in a new place. No longer in the sadness of the betrayal, divorce, and its aftermath but still not in the bliss of where I wanted to be. In late May during a conversation with a friend I told her that I wanted to spend my summer just enjoying myself, eating tasty things in nice restaurants, wearing beautiful clothes, taking in the sunshine, traveling, and focusing on learning more about myself through reading and journaling. To which she replied, "Sounds like you are in your "Eat, Pray, Love" season".

I hadn't seen the movie or read the book before but I'd heard of it. That night after seeing my kids off to their time with their dad I ordered myself pizza and decided to watch the movie. When I tell y'all I was bawling...I hadn't gotten a good cry out like that since This is Us ended (IYKYK).

It wasn't because of sadness it was because it all was just so relatable and reminded me once again of how many women had undergone the journey that I was taking and found themselves on the other side.

It just so happened that this was a few days before I'd planned to visit some friends and go to Yosemite. I called the friend I was going to visit on FaceTime and he could tell I had been crying. I could tell he was ready to pull over the car and go "get" somebody if he needed to (we all need friends like this!). I told him that I was actually just thankful for the moment that I was finding myself in. Like Julia Roberts in the movie I felt like I was at that moment of packing my bag and going to find what I needed for myself in the next season. While I don't have the luxury of just traveling for months on end going to different monasteries, in different countries, meeting people with fascinating stories, I had the summer, this summer, and I was determined to spend my time eating, praying, and loving.

Let's get concrete and dive into the six lessons I've learned in this season so far!

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Lesson #1. The Power of Trying New Things

Being willing to try something new is a highly underrated skill in the pursuit of joy. Generally, we all have this underlying desire to stick with the routines of what we know we like, rather than venturing out and being disappointed. This relates to our personal style, the food we like, the type of man or woman we like, the way you wear your hair, the fragrance you wear, the places you go, and the people you surround yourself with. At 36, I have definitely established routines in life with everything listed above, so I made it my mission this summer to step out of just about all those boxes.

Trying new hairstyles, nail colors, eating sushi, reconnecting with friends that were life giving, going to fun places, buying new perfumes, letting my stylist venture out with new loc styles. I spent time buying summer clothes that matched who I was in that moment, not who I was last summer or who I'll be by next summer. All of these things were to the end of discovering new parts of myself.

Adding new words and definition to my life's encyclopedia. I found so many things that I loved that have now been worked into new routines that I never would have had I not ventured out to do so. I would argue that this is one of the key parts of unbecoming. There is so much about life that we will never access without the courage to try something new. Yes there is a chance you won't like it, and yes there is a chance that it might be a waste of time or money, but you will never know unless you try.

"A whole world of unknown goodness is out there - TRY IT!"

Lesson#2. Staying Present

If you are an over-thinker like me, you know firsthand how quickly your mind can go from enjoying what's happening in the moment to daydreaming about something coming up in the future. I can't tell you how many times I've been having a perfectly good time enjoying myself or someone else's company, and find myself drifting off to dread something coming. Literally picture Raven when she used to freeze and get those visions on the TV show back in the day (LOL!) . All of a sudden immersed in the "What if's" and "What comes next?" and "What's the end result going to be?", that have robbed me of the moment I was in.

During my eat, pray, love season, I have focused intently on just being present in my body, asking myself questions like:

• How do I feel in my body?

• What do I like about this moment?

• What am I taking in visually?

• What do I hear?

• How does this taste?

• What do I smell?

• What's my breathing like? Why?

• Am I enjoying myself?

• What do I need in this moment?

This almost forces a slowing down. Moving away from the checklist mentality of finishing something just to get to the next thing, to intentionally enjoying, experiencing and indulging in moments worth savoring. So much of our lives are already full of moments that you have to endure, survive and push through. When good, soul giving moments arrive, staying present is vital. These are the moments that we fill our emotional and spiritual bank accounts, the ones so frequently depleted by the love we give to others.

"You deserve moments that make you smile authentically as often as possible.

Lesson #3. Go Alone

Be with yourself. Put on something that makes you feel beautiful and a kind smile and watch good moments and people attract to you like magnets. Notice the smiles. Notice how you feel. Watch people and how they interact, but without an intention to judge what you see, just to notice. Entering spaces alone allows for you to not be distracted. When going somewhere with a friend it's easy for the space around you to just be background fodder for talking about the happenings in our day to day. While there should be space for that too, in this season I felt that I just needed to be with myself in those spaces to isolate my own thoughts from everyone else's. I went to restaurants alone, farmers markets, concerts, and other events all summer by myself. It was such a different experience for me. It wasn't until just last year that I went to a movie theater by myself for the very first time. To capture the moment I went to a photo booth and took this jewel (yes I am just this cheesy!):

It was different this time though, I didn't want this to be just a one event moment I wanted to sit in this for the entire summer and beyond. Being alone in all of those different spaces allowed me to be intently tuned into my own thoughts about the environment without processing through anyone else's. I don't think I realized before this just how much time I've spent hearing others voices more loudly than my own when enjoying an experience. Just take it in. Put the phone down and take it in. I can't tell you how many beautiful moments I've been in where I've looked over and watched people sitting alone just scrolling through timelines on social media. You can do that at home on your couch! When you are out actually enjoy the space, enjoy new connections, and embrace it.

Going alone also meant not being reliant on anyone else's schedule when determining what I was going to enjoy. I got to lean into the moments that I wanted to lean into. And I truly had a blast.

"You can do it and enjoy it, alone."

Lesson #4. Cherish Your Body

You only get one! Do good things with it. Work out. Read. Do things you've always wanted to do. I get manicures and pedicures regularly. I get my locs retwisted regularly. I work out three to four times a week. I even got a new tattoo this summer (sorry mom and dad :)). When I look in the mirror, I love what I see. As a mom who has undergone three C sections, a miscarriage, and suffered the pain of betrayal and rejection, this cannot be discounted. I am in love with the person I'm becoming inside and out.

Here are some of my favorite ways to take care of my body and mind:

• Praying and journaling first thing in the morning before anything else.

• Treadmill walking 30 minutes while listening to a sermon or an encouraging podcast.

• Lifting weights - nothing like listening to some good music and lifting while reminding yourself how much stronger you are today than yesterday.

• Getting outside and taking in the beauty in nature- find a state park or local park and just take in what you see.

• Going out dancing with friends!

• Reading books that teach you something new.

• Doing puzzles + spending intentional time away from screens

"Being happy in your body matters and that confidence feeds everything else. Prioritize it."

Lesson#5. Reflect

Isolation gets a bad rap sometimes. I believe that solitude is a place where we are forced to hear and tap into our real thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Not those we edit or filter, in our storytelling to others. The true, authentic desires of our heart and the ugly, raw pangs of disappointment.

For me, reflection is journaling in beautiful spaces, praying in my closet while listening to worship music, investing in a spa day from time to time, but above all being still and listening.

As a mom with a big job at home and in the workplace, there is always something to fill my plate with. Reflection requires intentionality and courage. Intentionality to set the time distraction free and courage to face what's lurking beneath. It is not easy, but it is essential.

Reflection helps to refine your prayers and your focus. Forces you to get to the root cause of the things that weigh you down. Some moments are heavy, but just on the other side, relief comes because you have faced your truth.

And as the adage goes, that truth will eventually set you free. Read books that force you to stop and reflect on who you are, where you've been and where you are going. Here are my favorites from the last few months:

• The Path Made Clear - Oprah Winfrey

• How to Be An Adult in Relationships - David Richo

• 31 Days of Single. On Purpose. Workbook - John Kim

• Read This for Inspiration - Ashly Perez

• Notes from Your Therapist - Alyson Dinneen

• Keep Moving - Maggie Smith

• Planet Middle School - Leman (personal growth focused on understanding my oldest son better as he settles into middle school - I was not ready for that shift last year!)

"You can't make progress in places you are unwilling to face the truth about. "

Lesson #6. Rewrite Your Rules

Eat delicious food without counting the calories for a moment. I gained 8 lbs this summer and I had no regrets. I've worked it off since because I care about how I feel in my body, but understand that every season is not one where you have to be focused on getting it right in every area. This summer and currently I'm not focused on getting the 6-pack and being in the best shape of my life physically. Right now I'm focused on loving myself well.

Wear a dress you've always admired on someone else's body but you haven't had the courage to put on your own.

Prior to my unbecoming journey I spent my whole life judging what I wore and did through the lenses of the people in my life. Now I determine how I feel about what I choose to wear and do based on my own internal compass and relationship with God, not anyone else's, and what a freeing experience it has been. For some it might be hard to understand how I could just only be arriving at this point being well into my 30's, a mom, divorced after being married over a decade, and being established in my career. It's because I (like so many other recovering perfectionists) had been living my life under this invisible rule book that I had been subconsciously creating for years. A rule book created from what made others happy with me and not what I felt or needed. Because perfectionism (like everything else) stems from our childhood experiences we all have an internal rule book like this. Some are just further removed from theirs than others. Only you know the self-imposed rules that have been guiding you. Rewrite the rules. Evolve. Grow.

"Evolving is essential, you are not who you were yesterday, live like you believe that."

Well, there you have it - 6 lessons I've learned during this season that I hope will encourage anyone in a similar place!

I'm not sure how long my Eat, Pray, Love season is going to continue but I'm taking this time today to stamp for myself the personal evolution the last few months have gifted me with. While summer is officially over I'm looking forward to finding different versions of those moments through this fall and winter. Dipping my toes back into dating again these days, with more clarity now than ever about who I am and what makes me happy. It's hard to believe the year is almost over! I'm still working on the book, and I believe in my heart it is going to be a blessing to so many. Please consider subscribing so that you don't miss a post. Thanks for reading!

We're Doing It!

Tiffany