Snatch Your Joy Back!

Are you recovering from a season of loss, heartbreak, and disappointment? #metoo

Get in here and let's talk about it!

If you've ever ridden a carnival ride like Slingshot or been on a high enough roller coaster you've felt the sink that happens in the pit of your stomach when the steep drop happens. It throws your entire body completely off-kilter. It is completely out of your control, all you can do is brace yourself, experience it, and hope it's over soon.

I'm in my thirties and a recent family trip to Disneyland has confirmed for me that I am no longer about riding any rides (*see photograph below). Just find a shaded area for me and funnel cake me please. But that's a story for another day, I digress...

I wish we were talking about a carnival ride, where everything is controlled, someone lowers the bar across your chest and double-checks it to make sure you are safe and secure. That hasn't been the story of the last 3 months for me. I have felt like the person in the image above, no parachute, flailing, out of control, and in darkness. A season that felt like a never-ending free fall.

It ain't cute and it dang sure ain't fun. Even now that I feel like I've landed, and land is putting it softly...more like a thud, roll, and tumble through the dirt... I've had to take a moment to just lay there dusty and injured staring at the sky. Bloodied, battered, eyes stinging with tears, anger, and sadness questioning everything, even God's love for me.

I picture the devil and all his minions doing a Birdman hand rub when he sees us at this point.

Because he knows, and deep inside you do too, that this is the defining moment. The moment where we choose to wallow in the what, why, and how this happened or begin the work of standing up and dusting ourselves off. Notice I said the "work of standing up" because depending on the severity of what you have gone through just turning over and getting up to your knees is a victory.

I listened to a sermon recently by #BiancaOlthoff found here titled "Have You Been Robbed? that really sparked my thoughts and gave me a much-needed mental reset. One of my biggest takeaways was the statement "JOY IS A CHOICE". We have to choose it y'all, it won't choose us. It's a decision and one you have to make every day if you want to make it to the other side. But when you've been through hell you can't just politely "choose joy", it demands something more.

You have to SNATCH IT.

Snatching is not just for edges, waists, and little children that act out in public. What if I told you it's for joy too? A switch has to flip, as the definition indicates it is a SUDDEN effort to seize something. That doesn't mean that joy will happen all at once but the decision to do so will. It's when you peel yourself out of the bed, wash your face, and look in the mirror and decide you don't want to live in what happened. When you recognize and appreciate the opportunities that lie ahead to write a new story.

Here are some ways I've been snatching my joy back:

Radical Self-Care

I'm not talking about just massages, pedicures, and manicures (even though I've been rubbed, polished, and buffed more this summer than I have in my entire life), I'm also talking about weekly individual (and marriage) counseling. This has given me much-needed time and space to truly reflect on who I am, what I want for my life, and the role I play in creating this. I've loc'd my hair in the midst of this which is a whole other post for another day, but it is another layer of freedom for me that I truly love.

Resting

There is nothing like getting all the wind knocked out of your body to make you sit down somewhere. One of the biggest aha moments that has come to me in therapy is just how hard it is for me to actually rest (and play) unless forced to. I literally have been given a homework assignment to play (i.e. do something that doesn't require me to plan and overthink, just be.). I've written about it before but I'll say it again there is power in taking time for yourself to release and renew. I'll be the first to admit that this is something I am still working on, but I am intentional about this and I prioritize this now in ways that I haven't in years and everyone around me is better for it.

Leaning Into My Tribe

When I tell y'all I have an all-star team of friends and family, I mean an all-star team. 1996 Dream Team, Chicago Bulls in the 90s, Harlem Globetrotters all-star team. They have all showed up and showed out. They have fed me hot chicken at 10:00 in the morning, let me cuss and cry on their couches, their cars, and in their arms, took me on trips, made me laugh until my stomach hurt, guided me through beach yoga, peer pressured me into finally buying a #LouisVuitton bag, and came to scoop me up and distract me whenever I needed. To all of you and you know who you are THANK YOU. You all gave me strength when I had none and I will never forget it.

Letting Go of What Was and Moving Forward

Sadly, our vision for our lives (and marriages) don't always turn out exactly as we dreamed them up but that doesn't mean they still can't be great. You have to decide what forward looks like and begin moving in that direction. A good friend told me that there was a simple quote that flipped the switch for her:"I missed so many amazing moments because I was sad and mad". We can't miss out on what's ahead grieving over what was. We evolve and change as we go through life just as our loved ones do, this is the perfect opportunity for you to redefine what you want for your life and from your life. Only you have the answer here, no one else. You are the only one that has to live this life, not your friends, family, not your FB/Insta followers, or coworkers, YOU. The only wrong answer is sitting in misery without an expiration date, this is not what God wants for us, you have to begin the work of moving towards peace and restoration.

Prioritizing God Daily

I remember being so angry and disappointed on some days that I crossed my arms and "refused" to read my bible or talk to God and instead chose to cry profusely and explode with anger. While crying and grieving have their place there comes a time where you realize that all you get from those moments are headaches and swollen eyes to explain to folks the next day, and I didn't want that. In time I realized that on my best and worst days during this time I needed to connect with God to keep me in the fight. I've probably done 25 different YouVersion bible plans this summer because, on some days, God's words were the only thing I could look to for hope that things would get better, and friends it did get better. Not because my situation immediately changed but my outlook did through the power of his words and his love, my faith is in God and him alone. I'm going to leave some scriptures at the bottom of this post for any folks that might need them for the season you're in.

So here I am y'all still standing, learning, growing, thriving, and smiling.

*See gorgeous glow below :)

Now it's your turn, make the choice.

Go snatch it!

Tiffany

(Romans 15:13) May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the holy spirit.

(Romans 12:12) Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

(Proverbs 17:22) A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

(Psalms 126:5) Those who sow with tears, will reap with songs of joy.

(James 1:2-4) Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.